My cat died unexpectedly, can’t stop crying

I’ve experienced a lot of death in my life for only being 18. It seems like everyone around me is dying at the most unexpected times. The last time I’ve had one of my cats die was when I was about 7. All of my deceased cats lived long lives and really just died from old age. Yesterday I had to put my 8 year old cat, Morris to sleep. He had water in his abdomen and a very low temperature. He was very bloated and could barley even walk. He hadn’t eaten in days and had been drinking water nonstop. Whatever he had, he wasn’t getting better. It was 3 days ago when my mom noticed he was lethargic but I didn’t think anything of it. I’m not home a lot, I usually sleep at my boyfriends house. I didn’t see Morris a lot but in the few times I did in the past weeks he didn’t seem sick at all. What’s killing me right now is the fact that I hadnt been paying as much attention to him as I should’ve. He would always come up to me to pet him and I would pet him once or twice and that’s it. Or I would call one of my other cats and he would think I was calling him and come over. He loved me so much and just wanted my attention and I feel like I only gave him a few minutes of my day if any at all. Of course he had my mom but he also should’ve had me. He deteriorated so quickly in such a short amount of time. All it took was 3 days. He looked like his fat self but it was really just the water causing him to bloat. I could feel his spine, his shoulder blades. There’s no way we could’ve known he was sick just by looking at him a few days ago. I stayed up all night with him yesterday, laying with him and telling him how much I loved him. He was the most lovable cat you could ever have. I’m missing him a lot right now and feeling very guilty I didn’t see him as much. I’m looking at my clothes and seeing his fur all over me. Every time I wake up I tell myself it was a dream but am soon hit with the reality that he’s gone. Everything happened so fast I really can’t believe this happened. I didn’t think I would have to go through this for another 8 years. It hurts so much it’s just this aching feeling in my heart. I don’t know how I’ll ever move on

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