Painful death of my 10 yr old cat Gadget

Gadget has been sick for a few months now, thyroid problem, congestive heart failure, and pleural effusion. He is terrified of strangers. I almost lost him in October from stress. He was on fortekor, Furosemide and Methimazole. He was taking his meds regularly until the last few days where i noticed a change him. More lethargic eating drinking less. breathing difficulty. Though he always was able to cuddle with me. We were inseparable, wherever i was in the house he was with me.I started giving him baby food and treats just to get him to eat. Finally i made the decision the 23rd of December that I will ask the vet  technician to come over and give him an injection of the diuretic, hoping it would help him breathe, and it that didn't work i would have him euthanisized. What occured next was terrible, the minute he saw the technician he had a panic attack and couldnt breathe he started foaming at the mouth, i took him outside hoping air would help, he was completely in distress, i brought him back into the house on a pillow, he jumped off fell and hid behind a speaker and started convulsing, screaming , in no way did i want him ever to die like this , i couldn't reach him and when i finally was able to he was almost gone. i rocked him , i feel sooo bad that i did this to him , he was my everything . This whole ordeal took 25 minutes and they were the worst 25 minutes of my cats life. The technicians here are not licensed to euthanize and my poor little baby suffered soo much. I feel completely guilty that i did this to him. he was my scotchtape. :(

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